“Daddy. Can you tell me a story?”
“I’ll tell you the story of your birthday party.” “Am I not three anymore?” “Today you are four. At your birthday party lots of friends came to see you. You hadn’t seen them in a long time. With some of them it took a little bit to remember how to be friends, with others, it felt like no time at all. Some of your friends brought people who didn’t know anyone and weren’t really sure how to be there. There was cake at your party and some of your friends really wanted a second piece, one of them got another, so did you. When we lit the sparklers and sang happy birthday, you ran away into the nearest building. I think having everyone at the party looking at you was uncomfortable. I noticed more than one person was upset during the party. Each time one of their friends or family members came to talk to them and sometimes there were hugs. Some of the food got eaten, some of it didn’t. Some people went home early, some people stayed late. There were presents and most people smiled for most of the time. That’s the story of your fourth birthday party. Goodnight.” “Dad, can you tell me the story of your birthday party.” “It’s pretty much exactly the same.”
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Dani was pregnant during a global pandemic. It was scary to think of her catching COVID-19 and what complications that might have. From what we’d read, it wasn’t good. Sydney was in a lockdown for much of her pregnancy. She didn’t see her friends. They didn’t gather to share in her pregnancy. Instead she asked them to help her build a playlist - Baby Sprinkle.
With Paterson, 4 years earlier, Dani had chosen 30 albums for her 30 years. The albums played for 10 hours while she laboured and helped bring Pan to us, to our sounds. This time she would bring 18 friends into the labour with her. Their choices of songs, their support and presence would be in the room as Dani journeyed alone, and yet surrounded. The Baby Sprinkle playlist was bizarre in some ways. Individual songs from across genres and time. Each one associated with a special friend and each one imbued with a little love, support and humour. 17 hours and 11 minutes of songs like this: From Little Things Big Things Grow - Paul Kelly & Kim New Slang - The Shins & Penny Circle of Life - Lion King & Bubbs We Are Family - Sister Sledge & Vivian Push It - Salt-N-Pepa & Luci As the sun slowly rose and changed the delivery suite, Dani laboured and struggled. Midwives, doctors, swiss balls and jellybeans. Sometimes she was breathing furiously, sometimes she was asleep. For a while she bounced slowly on a swiss ball and stared through the window onto a light rain falling on Sydney Uni. Various songs faded into the background and then surged up into the room. We heard our friends’ encouragement and support through the sounds and lyrics. “Strange playlist” Sophia the midwife said at one point. “Yeah, who puts Achy Breaky Heart onto a labour mix?” After hours of effort and courage our little girl was very close. The midwives coached, Dani strained. I held her hand and attempted to pour positivity. Bryan Adams, added by Gemma, sang Everything I do, I do it for you from the Robin Hood movie sound track. Our daughter entered the world. “Look into my eyes You will see What you mean to me Search your heart Search your soul And when you find me there You'll search no more” The baby was immediately placed onto Dani’s chest. She had carried her for months and for hours had worked to bring our little girl safely to us. The spirit some special women in Dani’s life had been there as a background the whole time. The Baby Sprinkle playlist ticked to the next song. “Go, go, go, go, go, go Go, shorty It's your birthday We gon' party like it's your birthday We gon' sip Bacardi like it's your birthday…” Between me and the ward room door there is a new baby lying engulfed in fabric in the bassinet. I had wrapped her and placed her there half an hour before, then I collapsed on the bed.
The door opened and our midwife’s voice landed in the room “It’s just me, how’s everyone going?” The voice was followed by the person, and I replied, “how do you like my first swaddle Elise?” referring to the three layers of fabric awkwardly folded around the tiny baby girl between us. “Aw cute,” she replied, and I knew I had a long way to go. Swaddling a baby isn’t necessarily hard, clearly as Elise crafted a tight, symmetrical and beautiful wrap using 2% of her attention, it is easy for an expert. Nor was the swaddle I had just crafted my first attempt, I’d performed thousands with my son 4 years earlier. Certainly though, on the first day of many swaddling days to come I was at the beginning of a learning curve. The same would be true for bathing, nappies, negotiation, bed time, drop offs and dinner. I was going to have to learn it all again. I think part of me was expecting to stroll into parenting with all the skills preloaded from my previous experience. I’m coming to see this isn’t always true, there is plenty to relearn, and this baby is actually different to the last baby. There is one key learning on my side this time though, I’m way less bothered by my mistakes. Doing the job for a second time doesn’t make me immune from poor decisions and skill error, but it does make me feel very confident that I’ll be able to learn from them. I suspect this positive relationship with mistake will be a big element of any success I have. I'm heading into a high mistake period. I know it, and it's going to be alright. I’m just waiting here with a string around my heart.
It pulls out from my chest and down the hall, then hooks around the door and away. I can feel the breeze lifting and floating as the string stretches out into the world. It reaches across houses and streets, it travels through time and memory. The string enters another door and another hall, reaching across to you. You’re just waiting there with a string around your heart. My son has a pile of dinosaurs. He tells stories with them. These stories seem to help him process the events and conversations in his life. I hear myself in the stories, my words issuing from a plastic Allosaurus’ jaws. There are scenes from May Gibbs books with banksia men Pterodactyls wrestling Triceratops Old Man Lizard. There also appears to be some kind of Moana/Beauty and the Beast Disney mash up happening, and maybe even a trip to the Dawn Fraser baths for the Coelophysis.
I transcribed the following narration today like a busy court room stenographer as dinosaurs tumbled across the couch and rug. “Good morning everyone! I think I need to come down with you. No you need to stay here. Brachiosaurus there is something on my head! My head? Yes, your head. That is my baby! He started to eat, and the Triceratops started to eat plants. Munch, munch, munch. He started to eat a foot, but that wasn’t a plant, It. Was. A. Pterodactyl! I’m going to eat you. You. I better go find the Allosaurus. The big Allosaurus. He might be somewhere, somewhere, somewhere. Braaaa, came a loud voice. Why did you get under ground? said the Coelophysis. I just like this place. I came to rescue you. He pushed him into the water then jumped over the computer then floated out to sea. He popped up out of the green water after his swim. The Allosaurus stood here, the Coelophysis popped his head. The Troodon is coming to save us! Allosaurus, Coelophysis climb into my claws. I’m off into my tree now. Daddy? Yes sweetheart. You didn’t want me to come in. Son! Son! Son! You’re in the water floating out to sea. I’m coming after you. He came out of the water. Son, son, son, son. Oh there you are son, you scared me. I didn’t know you could go over here. You need to fly over here. Down came a big Pterodactyl, but the Troodon couldn’t see the friend Allosaurus. He had two Allosaurus. He missed his friends but a big creature came sneaking in. It was the T-Rex’s baby. I better go back to my dad. You’re not an Allosaurus, you’re a T-Rex, and you’re sleeping.” Well there you go, the wisdom of a near 4 year old child on a Sunday morning. If times become confusing or challenging for you, in your moments of doubt and uncertainty, always remember, you’re not an Allosaurus, you’re a T-Rex, and you’re sleeping. |
AuthorHigh school teacher Archives
September 2023
CategoriesThemes |